When the relationship is not balanced, it shows symptoms of unhealthy signs.
Unbalanced that you are over-invested than your partner, meaning you overshare, overcompensate and overindulge in the relationship. You do all that to have a sense of closeness produced by your efforts, which is unacceptable in a natural, healthy relationship. One sign of it is the attachment you feel towards a person you barely know.
Reasons for why am I attached to someone I barely know?
One of the common fears is the fear of losing out. You get so frightened that the person might abandon you so you overwork in the relationship. One needs to understand that a good relationship does not build in a day or two. It requires time, effort, tests, and trials to gain a firm foundation, and the work for the relationship to thrive has to be mutual.
Your irrational sensitivity:-Sensitivity is good only to an extent that it doesn’t require you to make irrational, emotional decisions all the time. A healthy emotion is balanced, therefore, a balanced dose of emotion is recommended.
Troubled childhood:- Maybe you might think, what does your childhood trauma have to do with this? But sure it does, your childhood experiences travel with you throughout your adulthood. Those unpleasant experiences stay with you. It molds and shapes your outlook on life; it is here to stay unless you take a firm decision to rectify it.
You have an unhealthy attachment style:- Attachment style developed in you growing up can influence your relationships. You are what you experienced when you were growing up. If you have an unstable smothering or unavailable experience with your primary caregiver as a child, you carry forward the same experience into your relationship.
You have a distorted understanding of the relationship dynamics when:-
You have a more affectionate feeling about the person you barely know. You build castles on your head, making something that is not and making it seem like it is a healthy relationship using your toxic positivity. You need help if it comes down to it.
You rely on your partner for your happiness:- You feel like they are your world and without them, you just can’t go on or enjoy your life. In every step, you want them to be there. This behavior makes you clingy, needy, and dependent on them.
The unfulfilled longing of the heart:- This longing causes you to view a partner as the ultimate fixer of the heart. You idealize them and see them as an ideal partners and lose your precious focus on seeing the actual relationship for what it is.
Rushing the process of the relationship:- When you are too focused on the result of a relationship and do not enjoy the moment or those little treats that a relationship gives along the way, it sure puts a toll on the relationship.
You have low self-worth or none. When your self-esteem is at a minus, you settle for anything. You take the crumbs from your partner and pretend that it is satisfying your needs.
Depression sure can take you to those dark tunnels and you expect someone to take you out of the tunnel with their torchlight. You have no strength to fight, so you cling to the only source you have, which is that one person who shows you a little care. Depression can cause you to get attached to the one you barely know because that one you know is giving you a little attention. The reason for making you take this route may be because of some reasons listed below, such as-
Poor decision-making skills:- Indecisiveness makes you make poor decisions or no decision at all. You dump your wants and needs on anyone who will lend you an ear without thinking through or analyzing the facts.
You are lonely, oh so lonely:- You feel so attached to someone you hardly know because you have not dealt with your loneliness.
Poor judgment:- low self-confidence caused this; You don’t have the power to make a sound judgment. Unclear values or no values make you have poor judgment.
Lack of self-introspection:- knowing oneself is freeing, and it takes away all the inhibitions that hold you back to make the right choice. To be in a healthy mental space, you need to get to know yourself better.
You lack vision:- when you don’t know your vision, what you envision for your future is not charted out and you connect with people who do not have any intention of sticking with you through thick and thin.
You look to others for their approval:– You are not enough is the song you keep playing in your head. You always look for validation from your close ones, in this case, from your partner. You look at them as your miracle cure.
You don’t value yourself:- when your value is down the gutter, you will be a doormat or a rag that is used and thrown. You give out an unconscious signal of low self-esteem to the other person, which makes it easy to use, abuse, and hurt you.
You don’t believe in yourself enough:– the unhealthy ego that you harbor engages you to feel diffident in your decisions. It stops you from achieving your goals.
Next time, you catch yourself having those dreams, idolizing and fantasizing about a person you hardly know, slap yourself and do the work of self-improvement and take help, lots and lots of it to fight off those feelings. You will win this if you choose to stay in the reality lane and not take off flying in the LA LA land of fantasy. Facing reality and accepting it is the ultimate victory to avoid such problems and you will thank yourself for putting in the work to save you from a big mess of drama and uncertainty.
